shut off, brain! where's the damn 'yada wool'?

I've always been this way -- think think think think think......and think some more. At times, it works out. Most of the time though, it sucks. I'm always looking for the underlying meaning - the deeper purpose - the masked intent. 'Why did I say that', 'why did she do this', 'where am I headed', 'who will I see'.....as Elaine would say, "yada, yada, yada". At times I wish I could pull the mental 'yada wool' over my thoughts - if only for a day or two. Note to self: question #1 for God - 'in all your wisdom, why no mental on/off switch?'

The only ways I've found to do that thusfar in my life is either to turn into a workaholic or have a few drinks. Through high school, college and now into adult life, it's always been work hard at school/office and also in the gym or on the field. Is that healthy? It is productive....that's for sure, but how helpful is it really? All that's really acomplished as far as the initial problem is delaying the inevitable. Alcohol doesn't help much either - costs money and time and sleep, but just delays the end. I'm a nerd, I know, and anyone reading this most likely doesn't know me anyway - but these types of thoughts remind me of the McGraw song --

In my home town
For anyone who sticks around
You're either lost or you're found
There's not much in between

In my home town
Everything's still black and white
It's a long, long way from wrong to right
From Sunday morning to Saturday night

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus

My whole life
I've tried to run, I've tried to hide
From the stained glass windows in my mind
Refusing to let God's light shine
Down on me
Down on me

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
There's not much space between us
Drugs or Jesus

Everybody wants acceptance
We all just want some proof
Everyone's just looking for the truth
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus

Fitting song for this point in my life. I'm almost always at a nice even keel - with the occassional rediculous highs always followed by crashing lows. So true - everybody wants acceptance, we all just want some proof. Everyone's just looking for the truth.

Amazing how far a brain can take a person - hs, bs, ms, music, travel, books, computers, yada, yada, yada but as much as mine tries - it's having little luck coming up with the truth timmy sings about. So the question is, where am I? Have I chosen the drugs? Have I (to a point) given up on Jesus? Tough questions to contemplate, much less answer - but if anyone's noggin is up to analyzing....

I'm headed to vegas tomorrow with the guys for a mid-winter warm up. Sure it hasn't been cold here at all, but nevertheless (don't get me wrong - it'll still be significantly warmer down there). Question #2: 'why can't I leave my brain at home?' It's time for a break from my thoughts, hopefully it won't take a dozen vodka sours to get me there.

If the big guy is on my side - all the release my overworked brain needs will be provided by one of my favorite, if not my all time favorite, places to be - center stage for the Fountains of Bellagio.

And back to it again....thinking thinking thinking thinking - dammit. Maybe I'll do some situps and pushups till I fall asleep.